Brian's Waste of Time

Wed, 11 May 2005


My mother passed away a few weeks ago. It was unexpected, and at least twenty years too early. I guess there is never a good time for something like this -- though there have been people I've known that suffered up until the end, and for them you are glad the pain is over, even if you will mourn the loss. It just isn't that way here -- it wasn't expected, it wasn't something any of us had prepared for.

I put a lot of balls down (I'd say dropped, but I tried to do it gently) when it happened, and pretty much dropped offline for a while. I've been easing back now, and it's bizarre. I guess major losses count as life changing events, and provide an opportunity to distance yourself and gain some perspective -- the kind you get on your home when you live abroad, but on your life when you go into autopilot.

I don't have much to say (in public) about mourning, or those related topics. There are thoughts that came up which relate to the nebulous conglomerate of ideas I like to think about in public, but even mentioning mom is pushing those boundaries out considerably. So I won't say a whole lot about her.

I'm picking those balls back up now, and looking at the depth of the pile I wonder how I tracked them all. Need to whittle at some of them until they are ready to be passed on, or be set aside -- and I need to pick up a few more once I have some capacity again =)

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